


Confessions in the dark

by psychokatal



Series: Carnival Row Ficlets [1]
Category: Carnival Row (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Off-Screen Miscarriage, Post-Season/Series 01, reference to ep 01x01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22146928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychokatal/pseuds/psychokatal
Summary: "You destroyed me.I waited for you, and you left me in the ashes of my homeland with nothing but grief for seven years."Or how to deal with the aftermath of everything that happend and cling to the only thing that remains - each other.
Relationships: Rycroft Philostrate/Vignette Stonemoss
Series: Carnival Row Ficlets [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594018
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Confessions in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> So, after haven't written anything in years, it just itched me. Looking forward to all the fanfics this series is going to bring forward!  
> this is totally unbetaed and English not my native tongue.

Rycroft Philostrate „Philo“ strode down an alley of the Carnival Row, the just two day old ghetto of the Burgue. A city once known for a haven for critchs, but that was decades past. Approximately as many years as Philo was old because his parents weren't frowned upon as they met and got to know each other in a late night salon.  
Although even back than, their secret relationship was frowned upon by the mighty.

The influx of critch from all over the city, housekeepers, carriage drivers and the likes, caused for overflowing guest houses, but also overflowing streets with homeless people, who used to do business with the inhabitants of the „Row“ but now had nothing left. Crime already started increasing with the lack of any police force, however preconceived they had been.  
Philo kept his gaze down to not draw further attention as he already did with his „human“ complexion. The lack of wings clear made him look misplaced.

As a former inspector who was respected as one of the “good guys” he still had some connections, however even these people where nervous how people would react seeing him interact with them. Although only few knew the name of the believed dead inspector, many recognized him for what he was – a half blood. Philo felt resigned for today as he was a day where he wasn't able to obtain any kind of job to meet the living expenses.  
On the day the chancellor erected the ghetto, Fleury died due to trying to leave the row and getting shot at for her action. It was a mess with all the chaos, with Vignette trying to console Tormarline, who had worked together with Fleury at the brothel.  
Philo had stayed with the two of them for an hour, to make sure the situation at the brothel was secure, until he took his leave to secure themselves living quarters, before every room was taken over.  
Although it felt strange at first, they quickly got over the feeling and made Aisling Querelle's room their own, after the first night.  
That first night, they simply were glad to be alive, with the reveal of Philos parentage, all the business of the Darkasher and their interrupted journey out of the Burgue. Exhausted they had fellen asleep on the bed, Vignette on top of Philo, him securing her in his arms.  
He still couldn't believe they were giving a second chance, no matter how dire the situation seemed to be. The cries of the ones mourning their former life and the shouting of a short lived riot had woken them in the morning, when gun shoots ended it.  
Philo had brought her face up from his chest and had looked her in the eyes.  
“Hey” he hoarsely greeted her, as he brushed a hair strand behind her ear. “Hey” she answered, with a slight smile upon her lip which didn't reach her eyes, but which did look down on his lips. He took the incentive and pulled her down for a kiss. It wasn't the first they shared since finishing off the Darkasher together, but the other one had spoken of 'I'm glad you are alive' or 'It's been too long'. This one said 'I'm afraid this will end' and 'You are safe'. As Philo, and surely also Vignette, would have loved to unfold their intimacy once more, they both knew they couldn't stay idle and indulge in this leisure for long.  
So after reassuring with touches that the other was still there, breathing and on the same page as the other regarding each other, they parted and got ready for the day.  
Meaning sorting through the remaining things of his late mother and what would eventually be sold but unfortunately also discussing unpleasant subjects like how they would survive for now.  
Vignettes former involvement with the Black Raven meant that especially now she wouldn't be able to escape their clutches. They would want to secure their sovereignty in the underground and await her to do her part. It was also surely a way to get more information about the situation behind the border of the Row and to find a way out of it.  
Nonetheless Philo hated at what kind of risk that would put Vignette. He inwardly cursed Tormaline for introducing Vignette with the contact man however he knew deterring Vignette would only lead to more difficulties with the organizations for now than letting her go and seek them out.  
It would already be hard enough for her to explain why she had been absent and living now with the former inspector but they hoped the chaos would be enough to keep them occupied with more important things right now. On the other hand the revelation of Philo being a half-fae would maybe also turn the situation in their favor.

Eventually Philo had shadowed Vignette for a while to see if the location of the headquarters might have changed, after losing his spy Edgal Hamlyn, who unfortunately met an end by the barrel of Philos gun.  
After confirming the general direction was still the same, Philo had set of to obtain some food and maybe a job.

He had found the former and was now on his return to their rental room after his fruitless efforts. He even checked in with Tormaline beforehand.  
Night was already shadowing over the streets and when he reached home, Vignette hadn't returned yet.  
Philo spent the time thinking over what kind of skills he could bring in to any kind of jobs or if he might be able to craft anything to sell.  
He grew restless and thought about leaving to search after Vignette, already getting ready, when he heard some noise in the hall way. Finally, the door opened after a coded set of knocks announcing Vignettes arrival.

He couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief as she seemed to be unscathed.  
Vignette hesitated briefly in the doorway at his sight but quickly caught herself and entered the room. Both of them still had to get used to the changes of the others behavior, to rediscover what was still the same, what different.  
So as Vignette hung up her coat, Philo set her portion of dinner at the table. “How was your day?” she asked as she turned around as she took a seat at the table.  
“Uneventful”, Philo started and recounted the futile job search, but also the rumors he caught.  
“What about you?” “A lot more fae want to join the Black Raven”, Vignette reported. “Who can blame them” Philo replied thoughtful. “Did they give you any trouble?” He searched for Vignettes eyes as she finished dinner. “No, on the contrary, with the influx Dahlia might entrust me with a branch. Apparently I'm sneaky in their eyes” Vignette said mischievous holding his gaze, which grew fond.  
“I worried for you”, Philo said, as he reached out to cup her cheek. Vignette leaned her head into his hand, eyes half way closed. “I can take care of myself” Vignette mumbled into his hand. “I was talking about those years, all those years I was just going through the motions” Philo returned.  
Vignette stopped and shortly got a far away look. Then she turned and looked him square in the eye, reached out for his head and pulled him in for a searing kiss, which lead to a rapid loss of clothes and shimmering blue fae wings.

Dawn was breaking, when Philo disengaged gently from Vignette to relief himself in the corner chamber pot. Upon returning to their warm bed Philo lifted Vignettes over dress, which they had dismissed hastily a few hours beforehand. He frowned, when he noticed the weight and upon doing a quick search, found a glass flacon. Looking unbelievable at the flacon and remembering Vignettes hesitancy at her arrival but also her sudden initiative he asked himself whether this was the reason for it.  
Engulfing the vial in his hand he continued his way to their bed and sat down next to Vignette.  
“Vignette” he asked her, hand on her shoulder, gently shaking her, “wake up.” Vignette, not alarmed by Philo's inquiry turned her head to his voice and blinked her eyes open. Analyzing the amount of light she growled. “Philo, it's far to early...”  
“Vignette, you have to answer me – what is this?” Philo held the vial in front of her face. At first, Vignette had a problem to focus on what was held before her, but when she recognized it she blanched. “You weren't supposed to find this...” she muttered. Fear gripped Philos heart. “What is it? Elixir?” “No.” Vignette turned her head away. Closing her eyes desperately. Philo kept staring at her until she finally turned to him resigned. “It's a potion.” Concern made Philo frown. “What for?” “You decide whether you really want to open this door or keep it looked, Philo. Because I told myself I'd keep this to my grave before.”

“You scare me Vignette” Philo whispered. Vignette sighed and sat herself up, taking the blanket with her to cover her chest, to give her lithe body some warmth. Her gaze went to her lap where she fiddled with the blanket.

“What I said to you before, about you destroying me... leaving me with the ashes of my homeland with nothing but grief for seven years... I meant that. The potion is helping me not repeating the occurrence.”  
She hesitated once again, but then lifted her eyes and locked them with his. Her eyes where filled with grief and regret. “Philo, when you left me with the belief you were dead, I was pregnant.”

Philo's breathing stopped for a moment, until he regained his speech. “You... what...” another second and he slowly rose from the bed, having to get to move, to do something, otherwise he'd be overcome with helplessness. He paced through the room, running his hand through his hair until he stopped, turning his gaze back to Vignette. “What happened?”  
“I followed Tourmaline to Mag Mor. At first, I didn't find her and by the time I found somebody who knew her, she had already left for the Burgue. By then I was exhausted and suffered from fever, eventually hemorrhage. That's when I couldn't blame the stress of the everything for the lack of.. my monthly circle had paused.”  
A tear was sliding down her cheek, followed by a whisper. “I didn't know, and when I did, all was left was this hole...”  
At once Philo was at her side, cradling her to his chest firmly, soothing her, as he tried to get a grip of the information revealed to him. “It's not your fault.”  
Never before had Philo regretted his choice to leave Vignette as much as he did in that moment.  
Together they laid down and mourned for the life that never lived and for a future that could have been different.

“Stay with me” he whispered once again, echoing his words at the prison.

**Author's Note:**

> I know by all means I'm not a great poet, but I guess I'll do some character studies...


End file.
